"Area fifty poo"

“Area fifty poo”, “The shit lake”, “Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory”, "Area fifty poo"

…Or “The Poo Pond,” as the servicemen affectionately call the place, is an enormous liquid pit for all the human waste at the airfield. That’s not a small amount: The airfield is a small city, with over 20,000 men and woman at the moment, oh yeah…it is pretty big, although there is nothing, I repeat nothing pretty about it.
Normally back home you don’t think about these things. Like I’ve said “Normally” you have your toilet-sewage that takes care of stuff and you never stop to think where does it go…but…  avoiding the lake-sized pool of human excrement that fills a section of the sprawling American and NATO base known as Kandahar Air Field is something else. Avoid it you cannot.

The first time I’ve passed by it, I almost gaged. I covered my nose and mouth as I was mentally debating should I endure the smell or breathe to my mouth (but hell, I don’t want this shitty air in my mouth!!!Ijuuu!!!). My new friend Jelena, from Macedonia still gags and almost throws up when we pass by it. Pour thing…but it is very entertaining for the rest of us.


This place is so bad it is a source of lot of jokes and funny signs and mascots. The following pictures pretty much explain everything:

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Watching these funny captions, I told one of my friends that these are cool and that “ I need to contribute with something” , and he laughed and said: “Oh Maja, don’t worry, you already are “Contributing” !

Hehehehe…

Also, somebody told me that during one attack, a Taliban rocket struck the pond and disappeared inside. It hasn’t been heard from since. So you see it’s not all bad… it serves other “pooposes” too. (…pun intended! hehehe)  

This brings me to another question. Bottled water!

I avoid drinking the tap water here, just because I’m not comfortable in knowing how it is filtered or God knows what chemicals they use to clean it. So, I drink the bottled water. Being curious by nature, I actually read the label and what do you know, it is produced right here in Kandahar Airfield…so…where do they get this water from???

This is the part of the story where I ask myself, do I really want to know? Maybe, this is the part where that saying: “Ignorance is bliss” kind of thing. So, I will investigate this, no more.
So, enjoy your bathrooms you privileged people!

Enjoy the fact is in your apartment/ house and that you don’t have to go out to use it…Enjoy the nice smelling soaps, hair products and those triple layer toilet papers that smell like lavender. Enjoy the fact that you don’t have to share your toilet/shower with another 5 more people… listening to weird people singing in the shower (Oh, wait that would be me).

So yes, just be happy you are living a privileged life.

KakoDjoe-Uka-LaLe (Go pee and off to bed!)

The airplane landed in Kandahar in early morning and I was greeted by clear blue sky and frisky cold weather. Yes, boys and girls, it gets cold in the desert too. Kandahar is located in the south of Islamic Republic of Afghanistan and it is still considered a war zone. 

The Kandahar Airfield Base (KAF) is franking huge! It’s almost like a small town but accept from the buildings you have tents and containers for accommodation and offices. No stores but PXs (that have the essentials you would need, basically everything is made of sugar or has sugar in it. I know, I read the labels).  About 20% of the roads have pavement, the rest is just dusty, rocky trails that look like roads.

After security checkup we were placed in a transitional small camp called “South Park”.  This sector is made for people who will stay before they get transferred to other camps either inside the camp or small ones throughout the region.

South Park is just like the famous cartoon, I just hope they don’t Kill Kenny at some point! (LOL).  All the residents are just like the characters from the cartoon, they event talk funny.

The coolest part of my first day was the fact I got my helmet and body armor (read: bullet proof west). OMG…I can’t wait to take some photos.  J

We are sleeping in large tent that has bunk beds and wardrobe cabinets. The women’s tent can fit up to 30 women at the time. I was told I have to be here until I get my own room in the camp I will be working.  

The weirdest contraption is the tent A/C which is a tube that looks like a huge “caterpillar” stuck on the tents celling. It blows hot or cold air through its holes and it makes a lot of noise. I was super-duper- mega smart to bring those earplugs with me.

Luckily for me, tents and sleeping bags only trigger happy memories. The sad part of my first stay was the fact that I woke up at 3am with a nasty nose bleed. I’m fine, I adjusted in the following couple of days.

The first person that came to meet me was my colleague, Mickey a funny Macedonian guy who is into martial arts (and what I would learn later, high class dress designer. OK, how random is that?!). No, he is not gay because he show me his hot girlfriend on Facebook. He brought me to the office and introduced me to everyone. I must say, I have pretty cool colleagues. Diverse, professional, cordial and good humored.  By the looks of it, I will be very busy here, which, to be honest is as much concerning as it is exciting. It is concerning because the job, as my pervious one is very responsible and has no room for errors. It’s exciting because I have been provided with the opportunity to work in a very different environment in specific area of expertise.

The work is for 12h a day, 7 days a week. So, yes I don’t have weekends but let’s face it, there is not much here to do, especially since General rule No#1 is NO DRUGS & ALCOHOL!  Considering this fact, I look at this experience as a long de-tox camp. I am sure my liver will appreciate it (at least from Alcohol, coz mi no use no drugs!).

So, my day starts with an irritating sound of my alarm clock and me searching for it in a pitch black darkness of our tent. This lasts for about 2-3 minutes because I almost ALWAYS knock it down on the floor. (Yes, I am very popular amongst my tent roommates). 

The bus takes me to my office (since I don’t have my KAF card yet) so Im pretty much escorted everywhere. The bus driver is Bosnian and he almost always plays” ULTRA Turbo Folk” every morning. It is so bad, you don’t know if you want to cry or laugh. This guy knows the nastiest jokes I have ever heard. Example:

-What is a pregnant woman to a pedophile?    Wait for it………………… Kinder-Suprise!

 (note to reader: If you don’t know what “Kindersuprise is, you seriously never had proper childhood”)

Having said that, I’m limited in meeting a lot of people accept from work and South Park. Mickey was cool enough to introduce me to good folks almost from a start.  I’ve met Jelena, the hottest IT specialist I’ve ever met and I know a lot of IT guys…non of them looked good as her! She looks like a model and she kicks ass in computer stuff, another totally random thing you would expect in a place like this. She and her supervisor Chris have adopted me and now we have lunch and occasional cigarette break. Yes, yes…im still smoking, although my goal is to cut back and quit before summer hits, coz no way in hell I will be smoking on 55 Celsius outside!!!

Like I’ve mentioned earlier, this camp is pretty big. I didn’t see “the fence” in first two weeks. All I see is tents, trucks, cement walls, bunkers, solders and 1 Afghani shop assistant. The only nationality’s I’ve met was American, Macedonian, Kenyan, Mexican, Croatian and Bosnian. Every night I go to South Park and have a cigarette before bed I learn a new joke from the Bosnian bus driver and Kenyan from Daniel, who knows the funniest Bosnian sayings I have ever heard. (What else is he going to learn from us?) This is where I learned my first Kenyan saying:    

KakoDjoe-Uka-LaLe, (Idi pishat pa spavat!), Go pee and off to bed! Apparently this is what Kenyans mom say to their children before bed time. This is the same for us in Bosnia, so naturally I had to learn it because I keep hearing it every night.

Speaking of home, on my fourth day here, I found out that my mother had an emergency operation and they have kept this information from me for almost a week. I found it suspicious that I didn’t heard from her in such a long time and then the e-mail hit me like a truck on highway.  It appears that her gallbladder busted due to a lot of stones that had accumulated. My sister came from Belgrade and she was visiting her in recovery room every day. The surgery was successful and she was recovering just fine.  I am very relieved after hearing this, because I was going through a hell being so helpless on another continent and not been able to do anything for her. I am lucky to have great friends that were willing to help and visit her and give me feedback on her status.

This is what sucks about Afghanistan. Being away from your family on crucial times like these. I know they didn’t want to tell me anything because they feared I would be on the next plane back. But all is well when it ends well.  My mom is doing better, and I back home so we can talk on Skype. That’s another thing. I am so happy I live in this era where I can see and talk to my family and friends with just a mouse click away.

I will try to keep you all posted as soon as I have more time. But know this… appreciate the small fortunes you have been given. Don’t bitch about your hard life because let me tell you, there are worst places to be.

Roger and Out

P.S. I can’t wait to leave South Park and get my own room. Last night I found out that Thursdays is “Man-Love-Shower day”! None of the men take shows accept for “some” that shower together.  I didn’t believe it until I saw two coming out with their shower sponges all giggly and happy. (I forgot to ask if it is the same for woman so I didn’t take a shower, just to be on the safe side). When I came back to the tent I found out that one of the girls Victoria Seacret stuff was stolen, so yeah…I need to leave this tent, ASAP!!!